Daily

231.

One of my goals for the coming year is to take better care of myself. I haven’t been doing such a bang-up job these last few years, and it is catching up to me in a big way lately. You think I would have learned my lesson, with now having to go through all of this painful dental work and the condition of my skin being absolute shit. But nope… I’m exhausted. I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, it seems and I am wracking my brain on how I am going to remedy the situation without jeopardizing future opportunities.

One of the things that I have been debating with myself about is whether or not to give up my position at the hospital. Giving that up would give me more time at home with Emilie, it would remove a giant chunk of my stress, it would allow me to give my sole focus to the clinic and things going on with the interior division, not to mention I would sleep better. On the cons side, I would be giving up my pension and my extended health, I would no longer be able to afford Emilie’s daycare, and in the event that the practice folded or the doctor decided to leave town… it would limit my opportunities going forward.

So it’s a gamble. One that I need to really give some thought to.

It would be really nice to have some time off. I work too much, and it really is wearing on me.

I had a panic attack on Friday, and I have a feeling that it won’t be my last. My doctor gave me some Ativan to settle my nerves, but I don’t like to take it. Anything with the potential to be addictive I don’t really care for. I don’t enjoy the idea of being a slave to a substance and not in control of my faculties.

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