TGIF x ∞ + 1

I am… so happy that it is Friday, you have no idea. I just have to make it through the next… 6 hours, and I can go home.

I had a bad night last night, to say the least. Two of my bettas, Mephisto and Albert, went belly up and I am so devastated. I don’t know why and I don’t know how… I didn’t deviate from my usual cleaning procedures and none of my products are expired or old. I didn’t have Mephisto for more than two months, and Albert was maybe 2 years old? I don’t get it. Gorgoroth and Leviathan are both okay, so I don’t know.

Heartbreaking, to say the least.

Life has been… interesting as of late. We’re in the midst of a Snowpocalypse (I will share photos when I can get them off of my camera), it’s supposed to drop back down into the -20s this weekend, and as far as I know, we’re still under an extreme winter weather alert of some sort. I also seem to be sick, again, for the billionth time. I had Norovirus last month, immediately followed by this cold that I just cannot shake. It comes and goes, so I don’t know if it’s the same virus or if it’s some bug that’s holding on in my nasopharynx for dear life. My doctor was certain that it’s viral, she said I just have to increase my fluids, etc, and that should take care of it but it’s been two and some months now? Pain in my ass.

And speaking of pain in my ass, I had a huge fall last Monday that caused literal pain in my ass. If it weren’t indecent, I would share a picture of the giant black shiner I got. My hip has been so sore ever since, but I can put weight on my right leg now, so I guess I can say that I’m getting better. I was walking downtown, running some quick errands for the office, and I slipped all the way down 1st avenue, went through the snowbank and landed on my backside. The second time, I was coming out of the bank. The third time, I fell just outside of Shoppers Drug Mart, and the fourth and final time was going up the hill towards my office. My right hip was swollen and black/blue, and I tweaked my left knee. Right now I just feel heavy and sore. All the snow we’ve been having fell on top of black ice, which is where the problem was, I guess. My shoes being worn out didn’t help either.

I’m a hot mess and borderline absolutely pathetic, I swear. One of my co-worker’s made the joke about taking me to the vet and having me put down. I almost said yes.

I have absolutely no motivation today. I should be doing some work, but I really just can’t be bothered. I’m listening to Korn and nursing my espresso instead. Six hours. 🙁

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Onward into 2018.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! 🙂

I’ve spent my holiday working my booty off, and the grind isn’t going to be slowing down anytime soon. I was worried that with The Doc in the hospital that I wouldn’t be getting any hours, but as usual, I had nothing to worry about and my pay this Friday is hopefully going to help me get everything caught up.

I’ve also been recruited for another MOA job with another doctor. It’s not going to interfere with my regular job with The Doc, it’s only going to be maybe a half hour per day, and pretty much all I will be doing is sorting incoming faxes to make sure that they go to the right doctors in a residential care practice. Not too shabby, if I say so myself, and it’s going to be another awesome thing to add to my portfolio.

I promised myself last year that I wasn’t going to fall into the “resolutions” trap again because I seem to make a list every year but never stick to it. That being said, here I am again, and a lot of these things are going to be ongoing from my list last year. I bought a beautiful Self-Love workbook from Blessing Manifesting that is going to help me and keep me on track this time around. I am excited to get going because things are falling into place for me now and I can’t help but be positive.

1. Get into a routine of exercise, meal planning, and eating healthy.
I struggle with this because I always tell myself that I will make the time but then I never actually do. I am going to be making it a priority, because I can’t go through another month, let alone another year, of eating like crap and not doing anything. I am going to be 30 this year; I’m no longer a spring chicken and I’m not going to have this “bounce back” that I am accustomed to having. I need to get realistic about my body and where I am at, and what my limitations are and what they will be if I continue the path that I am on. All the junk in my diet is going to put me in the same lane as my sister, pre-diabetic and struggling to go up the stairs. That is not going to be me if I can help it. I was going to invest in a gym membership but I have the Body Boss method that I bought last year and I also have the three different systems from Team Beachbody that I had to have, not to mention my JNL Fusion that I never did because James belittled me about it. I have more than enough space in the basement to work out, plus 3.5 acres of property to utilize. The only person in my way is me.

2. Move ahead with driving school.
This is pretty self-explanatory.

3. Get my finances in order and start saving.
Also pretty self-explanatory.

4. Work on my grimoire and get back into my meditation/spiritual practices.
I’m a badass Satanic Witch. Time to remind me of that.

5. Adopt the philosophy of “fuck it.”
There are things that are going to happen to me that I have no control over. I need to stop overthinking things and stop stressing so much about things and just accept that I’m not going to be able to control every aspect of things going on.

6. Continue with my CBT and communicate more with my doctor about my MDD.
I’ve been slacking with my CBT program, and it’s been showing. I am getting better with recognizing my depressive episodes before they happen, but sometimes the anxiety gets out of control and I slip into a mood. I need to get better at diminishing my negative inner self-talk and get real about the fact that this isn’t something curable. I will be struggling with major depressive disorder my whole life. I just need to get back into practicing more constructive thinking patterns and putting into practice what my CBT says. Make lists, make affirmations, write things down and stop being so hard on myself. Build my support network back up and keep my doctor in the loop. My medication isn’t going to be a cure-all. It’s going to help be 3/4 of the way, and I need to put in the other 1/4.

7. Expand my knowledge base.
This is always a goal, but I really want to start getting back into reading about astrophysics, mathematics, biology, computers and web design. I also want to expand my anatomy/physiology knowledge, as well as get into pharmacology. I use medical terminology every day in my job, both at the hospital and at the office, but I want to expand on it.

So… that’s going to be it for the 2018 goals list for right now… I will probably add to it later on. Always thinking of new goals and whatnot. I also am making plans to utilize this space more… I bought this domain to use as a journal and to help me with my writing, but I haven’t been using it as much as I want to.

Happy 2018 everyone, I hope it’s been good to you. What kinds of things are you all making resolutions about?

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