• Daily,  Music

    My whole life is a lightening strike running amok…

    Depression is such a funny thing sometimes. Some days, like today, all I feel is this constant pressure… constant heaviness behind my sternum, almost like someone is pressing down on it. Other days, like this past weekend… I can’t find the energy or the will to get out of bed. It’s really hard. I have this inner monolog of “Who really fucking cares? What does it matter? Why bother?” at war with my anxiety, which is always just this… erratic apprehension and nagging guilt and fear of what’s going to happen if I don’t GETUPDOITRIGHTNOWRIGHTNOWRIGHTNOW. It’s so exhausting. Today the pressure is more in my throat region. I get these…

  • Daily,  Music

    Dig, bury me…

    I am going to be so grateful when this blasted cold season is over. I’ve been stretched so thin lately and my immune system is so compromised; I just keep getting sick over and over and over again. This latest cough that I woke up with yesterday is the worst so far. It’s once of those ones where my entire body seizes and I’m either going to throw up or piss my pants. Worst. Ever. My doctor assures me that it’s viral and pretty much the only thing I can do is flush it out with ample liquid. Some of the patients that heard me hacking this morning told me…

  • Daily,  Music,  Work Related

    Insomnia, my old friend…

    My jam today. Trying to compile a list of workout music, and I’m really digging this band. They definitely get my blood going. I’m so happy that I’m almost completely at 100% after week-upon-week at the mercy of this awful cold that is going around. A lot of the nurses had it (some still do) at work, and Emi brought it into the house from her daycare. It wasn’t the flu, though, which is awesome. Me + flu = no go. With my antidepressants, I have to be careful what medications I take, so I had to resort to more homeopathic treatments this go around, which did alleviate some symptoms,…