382.

*blows off the cobwebs*

I hate that when I finally think I have time to work on this blog, I just… don’t, LOL. I have been so crazy busy this past month, I am still having a hard time accepting that it’s almost the end of July already. Time flies when you’re overworked and sick as Hell, right? Right. LOL.

I have made a lot of changes, though, and made some steps that I am pretty proud of. I gave up my rotation at the hospital, so instead of working a 60+ hour work week, I am down to 40, like a normal human. I will still be picking up at the hospital on occasion, but after two years of working the long hours… my body is grateful for the break. It’s been two, almost three weeks, and I have noticed an immense difference in how I feel overall. I have more energy, I am not so tired and irritable all of the time, I actually have an appetite, and my skin is getting better. Which… is a huge fucking plus, because cystic acne is pretty much the worst. I also have some actual time in the evenings, and I can have dinner at a decent hour. Which… I didn’t really realize how much that affected me and my sleep.

Oh, oh! And the best thing about it all – I can actually go to sleep! I am sleeping for 9 hours a night, without waking up, without the need for sleep aids or Ativan. It’s so amazing. I don’t think I have slept this well since before I was pregnant. I am feeling pretty awesome in the mornings. It’s great. 🙂

I got my nails done this past Saturday. I let my esthetician play with some new chromes that she got, and I think it turned out pretty bad ass. It’s over a black base (of course).

She told me that she’s going to be getting in some more colours soon that we can play with. I’m pretty excited.

So, I’m working on some music reviews and such that I will hopefully finish up and post this week. One is a review of the new Chelsea Grin album that just dropped this past Friday… I’m also looking at maybe the new Deathless Legacy and Carach Angren discs. We’ll see how good it goes. I’m also working on an essay/open letter piece that has been a definite challenge for me. It’s a tough one, brings up a lot of old wounds and it’s been like having a re-excision. Should be interesting. All for the sake of self-love and healing trauma, right? Right. 🙂

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296.

Fluface. Forgive the lack of posting. I have spent the last few weeks in the grips of the dreaded influenza B, and I finally seem to be on the mend. I still have some fatigue and the occasional cough, but I’m functional, and I am not burning up like Human Torch from Fantastic Four. This virus just does not seem to want to let go and it’s been awful dealing with this, because there is not much that can be done except for fluid overload and symptomatic management, which is difficult, because of the fact that every cough/flu medication on the market either increases or blocks the effects of my antidepressants. Symptomatic management VS major depression, increased anxiety, the possibility of serotonin toxicity, or increased bleeding risk? No thank you. I’ll take the fever.

I’m just glad that I’m getting better. Everyone around me seems to be getting a rebound of it, and I am… so glad that I am not. Wearing a stupid mask for the week that I did was difficult enough.

So, last month I turned the big 3-0. I spent the last few days of my 20s struggling to breathe and suffering myalgia and I spent my actual birthday at work. My RN that night went out and bought me a vegan cupcake and some flowers because she’s amazing like that, but that was pretty much my whole celebration. Next year I am planning to take a trip, possibly to Amsterdam to visit the Anne Frank House, so hopefully, that will make up for my lack of birthday shenanigans this year.

To update my previous post… my aunt’s autopsy results came back. According to the coroner, she had a massive stroke. I am relieved (in a way) that it wasn’t harm to herself, but at the same time… that’s another person in my family who has succumb to some kind of cardiovascular disease and it’s got the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. It makes me consider my own mortality, which is never a pleasing thought, and since I am already borderline hypertensive… I am looking into changing my lifestyle.

More about that later.

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Each word gets lost in the echo…

Bane, at your service.
Bane, at your service.
The smoke is still messing with me. It will be completely clear and lovely one day (despite being hotter than the Devil’s hot tub) and then the next day, like today, the smoke is so thick that I can taste it. Going outside without my respirator is out of the question. While I was at home, I went outside for less than two minutes just to run the garbage to the bin and my glob, you guys… my eyes watered and swelled up, and it felt like I had been punched in the chest. It’s awful. The smoke has caused this… epic, epic mucus build-up in my chest that has reduced me to purring when I breathe.

Pretty glamorous, let me tell you. I didn’t choose the asthma life, the asthma life chose me.

I should feel grateful though because at least I am still home. We haven’t been re-evacuated and at this point, I don’t think we will be. The fire department up in my area have actually slowed down their operations, so I am taking that as a very good sign. Hopefully, that trend continues. Fingers crossed.

Work has been keeping me pretty busy. The ward at the hospital still is not functioning, but I’m on my holidays from there until the 19th anyhow… but what’s going to happen after that is still unclear. My theory is that they’re probably going to keep the ward closed until the alert is lifted, so I probably won’t be going back to the hospital to work anytime soon. I will have to let them know I’m available for the ER, but knowing them… they just won’t call. That happened when I was casual. They just didn’t call and I was like… WTF. I won’t complain too much, though. The clinic is keeping me busy. Three weeks in a practice of over 7,000 patients creates a lot of paperwork and I have much to catch up on. Getting there, though. Most of my paperwork is caught up on, except for the stack that came from The Doc’s inbox at the hospital. I still have to scan that and enter it into the charts. The hard part is knowing who’s in town and who are still evacuated, either due to their location or the air quality. Or who just isn’t answering their damn phone. Makes for a long day.

I don’t have the patience for people that don’t answer their phone. Like… answer your damn phone and talk to me so I can scratch your name off of my call list, please and thank you. Like… hot damn, people.

This weekend… I plan to start my downsizing. Need to clean the bathroom and steam clean the carpet in the hallway. One of the cats peed on the carpet during a fight and I just… cannot get the smell/stain out. I hate the smell of cat urine so fucking much. My cat Kirby isn’t too bad because he drinks so much water that he pretty much just pees water, but my sister’s cat is getting up there in years and she is a stinky little thing. It was probably her that pissed, but you know… can’t get my lazy fuck of a sister to help me. “It wasn’t Queenie, you’re just a bitch.” Like… fuck off, really? We share the same damn hallway. Help me bring the steam cleaner upstairs. *shakes head*

My first set of nails since being home:

Nails by Jody @ Awaken Day Spa.

Feels good to feel human again.

Back to work. I need to get some more of these names off my list, and I need more covfefe.

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