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Merry Newtonmas everyone! 🙂

Normally, I would post everything that I received as presents, but since I am pulling a 12.5 hour shift today, that will have to wait until tomorrow. LOL. Hooray for triple time though, right? LOL. To be honest, I would rather be in bed, but scheduling caught me at a weak moment. Right now I’m covering patient registration, and I am so bored, I think my head might roll off. To prevent that from happening, I figured I would make a small post and let everyone know what I’ve been up to.

I was afraid we were going to have a brown Newtonmas this year, as we almost did last year and then the crazy summer that we had with the fires and all, but last week, it was like BAM. This is what I woke up to:

Needless to say, I was colossally overjoyed. I love snow. The temperature has been fluctuating between -14°C and -27°C, so it’s decently cold and even colder with the wind chill, so it’s been delightful. Almost feels like winter from when I was a child, but back then it used to dip down to almost -40°C, which I guess is a thing of the past now (unless I move to the Yukon Territory – which I plan to – but that plan has been put on hold until I can find somewhere that I can take classes to become familiar the Inuksuk languages). It’s made sleep a lot nicer. I only get about an average of 6 hours of sleep a night, which is usually enough but it’s not sleep of the best quality. With the temperature being what it is, I fall asleep fast and I sleep really deep, which has been a boost for my productivity and I feel great instead of groggy. I wish it was winter all the time.

Something that has ground my gears a bit… one of my goals for the new year is to stand up to people that Mother shame me. I’m not talking about those ridiculous groups on Facebook that bully women about breast feeding, because I stopped with those groups after Emilie became a toddler, but I’m talking about people that make snide comments as if I’m not standing right there. Like the other night… a bunch of us girls were sitting around the nursing station during a quiet period, talking about who got roped into working Christmas. I said that I had, as well as a couple of the nurses who were sitting there. One of them, who I will call DB, looked at me pointedly and said “I’m not working Christmas, because I am dedicated to my kids.”

So… normally I would let that kind of comment slide. I’m not into in-fighting with co-workers. I’m not into office drama or any of that nonsense because I come to do my job and get my pay check and go home. I have never felt “part of the team,” despite my efforts, so I don’t try to engage that much anymore. Most of the nurses I work with though, I am on friendly terms with. DB though… I have never liked. She has a very poor attitude, tries to talk over others, brags about her family/husband/material things, and is an overall know-it-all. Is she a good nurse? I have no idea. If she spent the amount of time taking care of patients as she does running her mouth, she could be great. She’s very condescending, and always makes sure to talk to me like I am the most moronic individual on the planet. My solution is usually just to avoid her as much as possible, and if she tries to start running her mouth at me, I ignore her and go on with my work. It has worked for me thus far.

It’s kind of hard for me, though, because even though that I feel that the comment was directed at me, we were all talking in a group and I can’t say with 100% certainty that it was directed at me. It still pissed me off, and I wish I had called her on it. But with how upset it made me, I’m kind of glad that I didn’t because I might have lost my temper at her and that professional boundary cannot be crossed no matter what. But for the new year… I want to learn how to call these kind of comments out in a respectful manner that won’t get me hauled into my boss’s office and create some kind of ire between myself and the nurses that I am on good terms with.

Something to think about anyway.

I hope everyone has a good Christmas… I will probably blog again in a couple of days to show off my presents and what not. 🙂

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Rant: Chester Bennington

I have been quietly grieving the passing of Chester Bennington for a little while now since I received the news while I was evacuated. It has been really difficult for me, seeing as how Linkin Park was and has been one of my favourite bands since I was 12 years old.

And I cry. I cry a lot. My grieving ritual has been interrupted constantly by work and my other responsibilities, and I have had a difficult time letting go. I’ve been listening to Linkin Park for over half of my life… I felt very close to Chester Bennington, and it’s because of his words – his art – that I was able to get through a lot of difficult times. He was a best friend that I never met, a voice that was a constant comfort and a push to do better, to be better… to know that I am more than the sum of my parts and I am not alone in my depression and in my pain. To know that I will never hear that voice again outside of my worn-out CDs and old YouTube clips, is devastating to me. I remember sitting on my cot in the evacuation centre, reading the article on Metal Injection announcing his passing and just feeling panic. Sheer, unadulterated panic and a pain behind my breastbone that has been festering there ever since.

I listen to Octane on SiriusXM on my commute to work with my dad most mornings. They are pretty good at flogging the same few songs over and over again and occasionally they will throw in something good. This is how I discovered Highly Suspect, among others. Yesterday, they decided to play some Linkin Park, I believe it was “In the End.” My dad makes this face and says to me:
“What a waste.”

Three simple words, an expression I’ve heard a million times, but for some reason… him saying this about Chester really set me off.

It’s hard enough dealing with the reprobates and pieces of shit that call him a coward. Don’t even get me started on those people. My brain has a hard time wrapping around the concept of the word “waste” and “Chester Bennington” in the same utterance, the same reference. It makes me angry. To me, when you call something a waste, it means that it’s a useless expenditure. It’s rejected, it’s worthless. It’s garbage. Chester was no such thing. And really… how dare you? How dare you call such a beautiful human being a waste?

It is unfortunate that he chose to end his life prematurely. It’s unfortunate that he felt so alone, that he couldn’t reach out for help, that his pain – whatever that was – was too great that he saw no other way to get relief from it. But was his life a waste because of this? Absolutely not. Even though he was only here for a short time, he touched millions and millions of lives while he was here. He, along with his band mates, put out music that influenced and inspired multiple generations of people and impacted their lives. He had children, he had a family. I don’t think his life was a waste to them, especially.

I mourn his loss because it is a massive loss. I am grateful that I was alive at the same time that he was, that we walked the same Earth. Just like I am grateful that I got to live during the lifetimes of and experience the talents of David Bowie, Chris Cornell, Amy Winehouse, Peter Steele, among others. They impacted my life, and I am grateful for that.

What if he hadn’t been famous? I probably never would have known him, but that doesn’t mean his loss isn’t anymore devastating. I still would feel that loss, feel pain for his family, and I never would say “what a waste.” Life, no matter how short, is never a waste. We impact each other, every minute of every day, whether it is positive or negative, whether we realize it or not. The smallest interaction can make the biggest difference and it’s not a waste. Get the fuck out of here with that nonsense.

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