So… I just typed up a giant post about what’s been going on in my stressful last few months that I touched on in my previous post, but I decided last minute to scrap it. I don’t need to rehash the nonsense and get my adrenaline spiking again.
TL;DR version of the last few months: My boss was offered a position in a clinic 14 hours north of here, and she was going back and forth on whether or not to take it. She decided that she was going to take it, and the clinic would be closing in January 2020. Originally what was proposed was for me to go with, then it changed to I would show up 6 months later, then it changed to I wasn’t going at all and I would receive a decent severance. Lots of panic, stress, and hair falling out on my part because I don’t have much in the way of opportunities here for full-time work locally, and none of the other clinics would match my hospital wage. So after much deliberation and freaking the fuck out, I started making plans to relocate to Kamloops, as the hospital in Kamloops is always in need of people (especially now that they’re expanding). My boss went up north for a 3-week locum period, decided that she hated it, and decided she was not going to leave.
My stress levels are still a bit on the fritz, my hair is still kind of falling out a bit, but it’s back to business as usual. Which is good for me, because the very thought of relocating to Kamloops makes my skin crawl (my daughter’s father and his new family live there and the idea of running into them makes my head want to pop off of my neck and roll into the void), but it’s bad because now I’m wary. Like… really wary of this happening again, and I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I’m hoping that will change with time, but who knows.
I’ve decided that my goal for 2020 is to finally take the plunge and get my drivers license. I have put it off for such a long time, and it’s gotten to the point now where I just need to get over my anxiety of it and just fucking do it. If I can get a small beater car to learn on, that would be ideal. I need to speak to the driving school up the road from my office to see when the next classes start. My mom is pretty supportive, and she’s agreed to help me out with insurance and all that, so I’m feeling pretty positive about it.
I kind of feel like I am in an “in-between” space in my life right now. Like I have left something behind and I’m about to embark on something or make a pivotal choice. Needless to say, the holidays are going to be full of doing shadow work and lots and lots of tarot and listening to female rappers on the regular. I’ve been listening to a lot of these beautiful ladies, and they inspire me a good deal.
Till the next one. I have the Deipnon, Noumenia, and Samhain in the same week. There is much baking and crafting to be had.
