William Control.

So, this is an entry that I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that I would have to make. Even now, it seems surreal and I am probably going to edit it after I post it as I have more time to think about it and my feelings evolve.

For those who spend any amount of time with me know… I love William Control, aka William Francis. I have loved him since Aiden, and he has been a continual figure that pops up in my life (like Marilyn Manson – who I have been a fan of since I was 9 years old). Aiden’s music helped me get through a lot; bullying in high school, emotionally abusive relationships, being cheated on, my major depression, my anxiety. I have never had the pleasure of meeting him, nor seeing Aiden or himself in concert (the one opportunity I had – I couldn’t get a ride to Vancouver), so what I know of him is what I have read, and what I have seen through his music and his social media. I have read his books, his poetry, and I have always enjoyed them. “Revelator” was exceptional. I loved the story, he is an excellent writer/storyteller and I’m not ashamed to admit that I bought the three parts separately and then when he released them in an all-in-one hardcover, I bought that too. When he announced that it was going to be made into a movie, I was ecstatic.

One thing I have always loved about William is his very dark, sexual, gothic aesthetic. I am right into it, I love it. BDSM is something that I have always been interested in, and though my experience with it is very limited, I enjoyed the experience I did have and seek to expand those interests in the future.

So why am I writing this, why am I talking about this?

For those who don’t know, last year (I can’t quite remember when) there was a woman who came out saying that he abused her during BDSM play, that he didn’t respect her safe words and that he didn’t respect her boundaries and had abused her. When I read that… I remember feeling cold. I remember feeling sick, and just… cold. I had to step back. I didn’t want to believe it, but at the same time, I didn’t want to support someone who is abusive. However, later on, there was a Facebook post from the woman saying that William had reached out to her and they had worked everything out and she had accepted his apology. I wish I could show the screenshot… I couldn’t find the post or anything from last year. Which seemed weird, but I can understand deleting posts and things to move on/conclude the issue.

After I read that, I was kind of like… okay. If she accepted his apology, it was obviously a misunderstanding between them, their personal business worked out. Move forward to yesterday.

Checking my Facebook and I saw William posted this to his Facebook:

I was confused, but then I started reading the comments. Some of them were deleted, but the majority are still there. Most of the detractors are linking to this blog (TW: graphic, sexual content).

I read everything. I watched the videos. I feel sick. I feel so sick, and I am so angry and so sad. What am I supposed to do? All of these people on Twitter are all like “Throwing out my merch! Burn in hell! Will Francis is over!” etc. etc. but I just… can’t bring myself to throw my records away. I don’t know. I feel sick.

I want to wait for more information, I want to maintain my belief in “innocent until proven guilty,” but I feel like… if it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck… it’s a duck. 🙁

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First off, site updates! I have started to put together the writing section, which you can access from the “C’est Moi!” menu above. There is only one essay there right now, but I am compiling writings from my old notebooks and putting together some reviews and the like, so hopefully, by the end of the weekend, there will be a little bit of a collection going on. Also! I bought a premium WordPress theme some time ago, and I’m actually going to take the time to sit down and tweak it and get that going. I’m going to be experimenting with headers and such, see if I can’t improve on what I already have.

Making progress has me all like:

Otherwise, life has been pretty dull as of late. Work, work, and more work. It would be a lie to say that I’ve got a lot going on outside of the clinic. I’m hoping to change that, now that the spring has finally meandered its way out of wherever it was hiding. The temperature is nice and cool today, but the sun is out and the wind isn’t too bad, so I might take a walk after work tonight. See how that goes.

I’m going to be starting my Isagenix protocol tomorrow. Got to fit into my dress for Tieneke’s wedding without eight layers of Spanx and a corset, so hopefully, this will help me out. I was able to get the vegetarian/vegan option, so I’m going to tailor it to what I need. I will probably start making regular weightloss update posts here as I make progress, so wish me luck. I’m excited.

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Nostalgic jam for this morning:

By the beard of Zeus, this place is in dire need of an overhaul. I need to clear up the cobwebs and get some actual content going on.

Time is the killer though, right? I never seem to have enough of it.

I spent this past weekend reading and resting in bed. I got my new Bride of Frankenstein tattoo started on Saturday. Danarae only managed to get the outline done, as the muscle in my calf kept twitching and seizing. I was rather disappointed, but I have another session in a few weeks and if I have to do it in small pieces… I guess that is the way we’ll have to do it. I posted a picture of it on Facebook and Instagram, but it wasn’t a good one and I am going to wait until the redness and the swelling goes down to post a good one here. Danarae has done a wicked job so far… my skin is just so angry.

This week is going to be busy. My plan is to get my bedroom completely done so that I can begin the monumental task of going through and cleaning up my bookshelves. I currently have eight bookshelves in my room that are double stacked and I need to make room for more. Get rid of what I am never going to read and the books that I read and didn’t care for. I also have my nails/facial appointment this Saturday. My skin has been absolute shit since I stopped taking my birth control (I kept forgetting to take it and it just seemed pointless when my sex life has tumbleweeds rolling through it) so I’m going to have Jody take a look and work her magic. Hopefully, I will have everything done before then so that I can just take the Saturday and relax before the maelstrom begins next week. My taxes are done and filed, so I can cross that off of the list of ‘to-do,’ which is a big relief. I was actually early this year, LOL. I hate taxes. My refund was pretty decent though, so I’m going to be able to afford to get a nice, new bed if things work out. Get rid of my old gross mattress and get relief for my back pain all in one go.

How does Ricky on the Trailer Park Boys say it? ‘Get two birds stoned at once.’

Anyway, off to Starbucks with me. Just wanted to make a quick post to say that I’m still here.

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